Do not seek for love....but seek the boundaries
that keep you from receiving love.
ACIM   - Thanks to DWO for that quote :)


Four years in Orlando. I've spent most of my day since waking reading journal entries,
replying to some - and writing. I'm avoiding painting the Magician card - Its tough for me
to feel comfortable with my own personal power at times...but I'm working on that.
Lately I feel very stretched - but stretched in No direction that will help me in the
game of resume and self promotion... I don't know that I will ever fit onto that
crooked ladder.  Still I follow a path.  The course of true love never did run smooth
nor does the path of  loving in truth - or seeking it.

What do I need to do to be able to do the things I want?
How do I draw Prosperity to me?  I need Prosperity to support myself instead
of always struggling in the realm of pentacles.
Protect me from what I want  but Guide me to what I need.
My goals are unclear - I've always been a bit Vague -
and Im nearly forty.  My ideas and spirit are clear in the moment -
I'm not quite sure where I am going. The one I never give any credit to
is myself - I'm told by my therapist -  I have little compassion for myself...
and I do not celebrate the small victories to make them worth while.
There are parts I like - and parts that keep me in fear - and stuck...
I feel  that can change. Perhaps even three ghosts will visit me
- especially the Ghost of my present moment on any given holiday.
Time writes all stories... I feel so complacent and lazy and
with a plethora and lack of tools to move forward... so much to Processsssss.

processing  *turns hourglass*

What keeps me from love  - only myself.
I go about things the wrong way -
especially having some compassion for myself.
How does one find a strong desire to acheive confidence?
~ what sort of brain washing did I go through to earn
such a Vague idea of mySelf and what I want or need.

Everyone reaches a breaking point - and a breakthrough point
if they are lucky.  Where do I belong? If home is a state of mind -
then What does home mean for me - other than running away from
myself - or running to it....
To quote Alanis -
I'm ready to be Limbo no more    *cries*


That's All I got right about now...


Thanks for Listening
 

 

CEP










 

Insightful Thoughts

Originally posted by Angy :) <3


I wept Thursday night after I found out  about the heart attack.
I kept thinking he faked his death to get out of debt...
He was a master of Disguise ~ in more ways than one
and he knew how to play the press in some matters.
Then it hit me - after I got home that eve
exhausted, that it must be true that he was dead...
and I realized what he meant to me personally.

There's still a part of Elvis and John Lennon
and Jacko -  all of us -  that lives in the realm of
archetypes. Paul McCartney has become a joke

- I'm glad it didn't happen to John.

There is a part of them that grew beyond

fame from the Worship they garnered...
Our  physical beings have limited capacity  to
handle such worship.
I always said MJ's kids would be the undoing of him.
He would either die of sadness when they grew up or
he would distance himself from them greatly
... or grow up with them - which is different type
of transformation that was impossible for MJ...
he was too damaged(his oldest manufactured son is now 14)
to move down that path.

Its odd to me how much Michael came up in conversation
out of the blue in the days before he died.
Man in the Mirror came on my ipod at random - Tuesday
before his death - I was on my way to a job interview
-  It was the karoake version -  I started singing along and then
began to cry... a couple of other instances one involving
a MJ impersonator - coming into the Music Dept the night
before he died and that was one of the first things I asked her...
if she still danced to thriller in the zombie parade.

I still feel he was not a child molester -
not physically - emotionally yes - but only within himself

I know what its like to be developmentally delayed -
Homophobia is a form of cultural sexual abuse...
I don't feel Michael Jackson was homosexual -
he was delayed and deformed in many ways...  still
I am not feeling pity for him - just a pathology and empathy.
Because he was
who he was no Friend offered him true counseling
on various aspects of his life because he was MJ -
and magic, and could do whatever he wanted - the
Assumed magician archeType was a trap for him.
Plus he had money...

When the criticism came, I'm sure there were parts of
him that had no idea what he was doing was wrong - or
had the appearance of being so.  I think Michael was Heteroromantic
but Asexual - any semblance of sexuality that came through
was probably very confusing for him  -  and he handled it
without inner adult supervision... His adult self was delayed -
still a child -  still a youngest brother sharing a small room with
his brothers and touring with them - with adult parts that would
never emerge fully... 

The parody below has some sad bits of truth in it:

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/02/02ltree.phtml

too bad that video isn't available :(


I don't think people realize what his death means to American Culture in general.
It was the darkness before the darkest  - Brighter days to come
and tough lessons to learn...We walk away - walk into those brighter parts
of ourselves on our own.

This Story will always remind me of Michael Jackson - please read it:

http://harelbarzilai.org/words/omelas.txt




Do not seek for love....but seek the boundaries
that keep you from receiving love.
ACIM



so sad

Using only song names from one artist or band,

CLEVERLY answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think.

Pick Your Artist: Tori Amos

Are you male or female: Boys for Pele

Describe yourself: Bouncing off Clouds

Describe where you currently live: Dark SIde of  the Sun

How do you feel about yourself: Paradiso Perduto

Your best friend is: A sort of Fairy Tale

Your favorite color is: Purple People

Your favorite form of transportation: Flying Dutchman

What's the weather like: Almost Rosey

Favorite time of day: Curtain Call

If your life was a TV Show, what would it be called: Little Earthquakes

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Welcome to England

What is the best advice you have to give: Don't Make me Come to Vegas

If you could change your name, what would it be: Datura

What would you say to the one you love: Sweet the Sting

If you could be anyone you want, that would be: Take to the Sky

Your favorite food: Flavor

Thought for the Day: Bliss

How I would like to die: Happy Phantom

My soul's present condition: Devils and Gods

My motto: My Posse Can Do

This can be a quick one. Don’t take too long to think about it!
Copy these instructions into a new note. Think about fifteen books you’ve read that will always
stick with you (which is different from saying your fifteen favorites).
First fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes.
Then, in accordance with strict numerology, tag fifteen friends. Maybe someone who tagged you,
maybe someone who introduced you to one of those books, maybe someone who would like
one of those books, maybe some totally random friend that you feel like poking.

GO!

1. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
2. Geek Love - Katherine Dunne
3.The Graveyard Book - Neil Gaiman
4. Pracitcal Demon Keeping - Christopher Moore
5 The Panic Hand - Jonathan Carroll
6. Post Secret books - Frank Warren
7. Dune - Frank Herbert
8. Chronicles of Amber - Roger Zelazny
9. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
10. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
11. Harry Potter VII - JK Rowling
12. Illusions - Richard Bach
13. The Golden Compass - Phillip Pullman
14. Maurice - EM Forester
15. A Separate Peace - John Knowles

I met RIcky and his date...  Life is strange
I'm glad I got to meet him *sigh* still have a Feeling
about him ~ beginning of a new cycle indeed.


Copy and paste this into your own note then answer the questions.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most? All of them equally

2. Do you miss being a child? When did I stop?

3. Chore you hate the most? Flossing the Dog

4. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? Romance?

5. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?

I feel it all worked out for the best and made me who I am.

6. Name of your first grade teacher? Ms. Tally

7. What do you really want to be doing right now? Holding Enrique  *sigh*

8. What did you want to be when you grew up? A Film Maker

9. How many colleges did you attend? 2

10. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? ummm  no shirt *blush*

11. What are your thoughts on gas prices? The rumors of the death of Consumerism are greatly exaggerated *sigh*

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? I need to tell Lane about last night - and Marcie isn't answering her phone still.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night? *sigh* EPP

14. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Neil Gaiman & Tori Amos

15. Have you ever crashed your vehicle? Yes

16. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer? Yes

17. Get up early or sleep in?  Sleep In

18. What is your favorite cartoon character? The Tick - probably or Homer?

19. When did you first start feeling old? after 28 it seemed to fly by sooo fast

20. Favorite lunch meat? tuna?

21. What do you get every time you go into Target? chips & salsa lately

22. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? We bind our selves to many things
we become attached to things even more. I feel that the trick is to find the balance between the two~
and deal with every situation with love, compassion, and an open mind. I am married to Magic ~
having a Husband would be hella cool tho :) I think I have a better idea what I want him to be like
and what I don't want him to be like...and all that would matter is that we are together with
or without a formal ritual - Tho I think the title song from Were the World Mine  - is an Excellent gay
wedding song...if you ignore the innuendo of course :D

23. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about? hrmm Most Bollywood movies lol

24. What's your favorite drink? right now - Arizona Mango tea!  (or just tea)

25. Who[m] from high school would you like to run in to? Jonathan Walker -  I think that was his name
or Stacy White  - shes probably married now...

26. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? NPR tho the Orlando affiliate sucks compared to Little Rock.

27. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives? DesPerate housewives

28. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work? I like most people I work with...sitting doesn't apply the
majority of the time - we Stand~ and stand  and staaand in between walking fast of course.

29. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes? Somewhat

30. Last book you finished reading? Toot & Puddle go to India  (for storytime)

31. Do you have a teddy bear? pluffie tabby cat *but it looks like a Tiger*

32. Do you go to church? I tried but not in a while - I tended to make myself late
and got lost a lot - so I figured my subconscious was telling me that I'd rather not go...

33. How old are you? 37

34. What trait do you have that you don't want to pass onto your kids? Worry and Fear

35. What will they say about you after you're gone? He will wear stars~


I wonder if my answers will make sense to me tomorrow.
My mind is curious that I am not confused  ~  not sure what this means~
could I actually be gaining some confidence in myself ???

I really need to draw the Magician card - so many emotionally
complex situations to attend to ... good times.

Your desire for love and affection, as well as beauty and pleasure, are strong now and you
can act on feelings and creative impulses more easily than usual. If you are not happy with some
aspect of your personal life, these issues arise at this time and there may be disagreements or
tension in a close relationship. You can easily discuss your personal needs and desires, but only
if you make the effort.


Power Numbers: 4, 37, 47, 24, 16, 18

Born Today: Brigham Young, Frank Morgan, Andy Griffith, Marilyn Monroe, Pat Boone, Morgan Freeman, Alanis Morissette
Libra General Horoscope
Real power is usually hidden and finding it means delving into the secret places, and that's where you're bound to look now.
The forbidden, the obscure areas, the great mysteries that no one speaks about in "polite" company seem to hold the answers,
and you seem compelled to go looking for them today. Just be cautious you don't get caught in a compromising situation.



Hrmmm...

You have received this note because someone thinks you are a literary geek.
Copy the questions into your own note, answer the questions, and tag any friends
who would appreciate the quiz, including the person who sent you this.
Don't bother trying to italicize your book titles. We know you want to.

1) What author do you own the most books by?
Neil Gaiman

2) What book (other than the Bible) do you own the most copies of?
Zero copies of the Bible urmm and no multiple copies that I can see...

3) Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?
preposterous!

4) What fictional character are you secretly in love with?
Maurice

5) What book have you read the most times in your life (excluding picture books read to children;
i.e., Goodnight Moon does not count)?
I reread books years apart  so - I'm not really sure...
the Graveyard Book?

6) What was your favorite book when you were ten years old?
Probably something to do with Star Wars~ or ET

7) What is the worst book you've read in the past year?
Probably any books to do with FLorida Teaching standards - ugh...

8) What is the best book you've read in the past year?
The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman...

10) Who deserves to win the next Nobel Prize for Literature?
WOW  not sure what the requirements are - but
I'm fairly sure it has nothing to do with the types of books
I tend to read.


11) What book would you most like to see made into a movie?
The Graveyard Book; and Life of Pi  *both already being made -
oh and The Sandman -  the WATCHMEN movie gives me hope.
Kavalier & Clay would be cool too :D  maybe better as a miniseries
on Showtime though...

12) What book would you least like to see made into a movie?
A book that becomes a play that becomes a reality show that becomes
a comic book that becomes - oh who cares? Creativity abounds...
but should we make dinosaurs from the DNA in amber?
Its all about the Consequences and stuff.


13) Describe your weirdest dream involving a writer, book, or literary character.
Wow  - I'm pretty sure I dreamt about  The Sandman before I read the series -
He came into my room when I was in college and quoted passages from
Job - in the Bible...urmm actually - I'm not sure it was a dream but
it was DREAM of the Endless...:D

14) What is the most lowbrow book you've read as an adult?
Yaoi *blush*

15) What is the most difficult book you've ever read?
Focaults Pendulam by Umberto Eco.  - I second that Scott
Vonnegut fits into that too - I should try again...

16) What is the most obscure Shakespeare play you've seen?
I think Twelfth Night can be obscure :D 

17) Do you prefer the French or the Russians?
Nationality is an Infantile Disease.

18) Roth or Updike?
Neither

19) David Sedaris or Dave Eggers?
David Sedaris...:)

20) Shakespeare, Milton, or Chaucer?
Bill  - tho Chaucer is more fluffy - Milton
I do not recall much - except maybe a line or two
about immortal flowers~

21) Austen or Eliot?
TS ELIOT?   Austen

22) What is the biggest or most embarrassing gap in your reading?
Mind the gap -  there has always been one of those with Mr. ADHD

23) What is your favorite novel?
I prefer the short story - but 
since Neil is too tough to choose from
I'm going to say Practical Demon Keeping by
Christopher Moore ~ LOVE his novels...
OH and Life of Pi by Yann Martel - urm
wow  I can't decide...blargh


24) Play?
well - Musicals come to mind first -
I rather like Tartuffe by Moliere but
Romeo & Juliet is magnificent

25) Poem?
Ode on a Grecian Urn - Keats
Kubla Kahn by Coleridge  :)

26) Essay?
http://www.mnstate.edu/gracyk/courses/phil%20of%20art/kandinskytext.htm



27) Short story?
Chivalry  or Snow Glass Apples by Neil Gaiman
Troll Bridge is good too - damn
A WHEEL IN THE DESERT, THE MOON ON SOME SWINGS
by Jonathan Carroll

28) Work of nonfiction?
The Holographic Universe?


29) Who is your favorite writer?
Neil Gaiman

30) Who is the most overrated writer alive today?
Oprah? oh wait - she only picks them - then they become
over rated -  I DO however enjoy her stint into metaphysics slightly...
not without its consequences though.

31) What is your desert island book?
Les Miserables is AMAZING Scott :)
but I would choose ~ Don Quixote or
the Count of Monte Cristo as I've always wanted
to read those 2 :D

32) And... what are you reading right now?
Yaoi *sigh*

Song that makes you want to riot:  Body and Soul - Tori Amos (Invincible - MUSE)

Song that motivates you: B.L.O.S.S.O.M - Komeda

Song that makes you reflective: Go or Go ahead - Rufus Wainwright  (or Sister Winter by Sufjan Stevens)

Song that makes you introspective: Amrita - VAS (Bridge over Troubled Water - S&G)

Favorite indie actress: Mary McDonnell

Favorite indie actor: Charlie Cox

Favorite aspect of nature: Clouds & Ripples in Water & - can you say Pantheist/Taoist?

Favorite city when you were younger:  Mos Eisley spaceport

Reasoning: i lived in my head a lot.

Favorite city now that you are older:  New York (New Delhi, Mumbai)

Reasoning: cultural hive

Favorite super hero as a kid: Superman

Favorite super hero as an adult: The Sandman

Favorite Saturday morning show: the TICK

Favorite sitcom growing up: Mork & Mindy

Favorite sitcom now: Ugly Betty? is that a Sitcom  urmm Will & Grace



Jim Henson tribute on youtube!


WOW they left this off of The STORYTELLER extras  BLARGH

Monster Maker

SToRYTELLEr making Heartless GIANT


http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Youth_%2768


so far Pretty good day :)


Ricky confuses me a bit - but
I feel this is a good start to something Wonderful :)
If it is meant to be - we will meet on the 8th.

Fool card almost done~!

Heather Henson tomorrow!!!

 

Ballet Friday with Lady Lane!

Creativity abounds!

more to come


cp

Place an 'X' by all the things you've done and remove the 'X' from the ones you have not. At the bottom of the list, add something you've done that's not already on the list. NO EXPLANATIONS! If someone asks you about something, then fine - explain away. Tag 20 friends (including me) and then publish.

To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, do the list and tag 20 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish. If you don't see the Tag people in the upper right hand corner you are in the wrong place.

Things you have done during your lifetime:
(x) Gone on a blind date
( ) Skipped school
(x) Watched someone die
( ) Been to Canada
() Been to Mexico
(x) Been to Florida
(X) Been to Hawaii
(x) Been on a plane
() Been on a helicopter
(x) Been lost
(x) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
() Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
( ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced in the rain-naked
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe( is kissing someone sitting on a tombstone in this category?)
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
(x) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
() Driven across the United States
() Been in a hot air balloon
() Been sky diving
() Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
(x) Laid down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(x) Seen a falling star and made a wish
() Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
( ) Seen the Statue of Liberty
(  ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
(  )Been on a cruise
( ) Traveled by train
( ) Traveled by motorcycle
( ) Been horse back riding
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(x) Been to Disneyland/or World
(x) Truly believe in the power of prayer(chanting?)
() Been in a rain forest
(x) Seen whales in the ocean
( ) Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calve
( ) Been spinnaker flying
( ) Been water-skiing
() Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
() Swam in the Mediterranean
(x) Been to a Major League Baseball game
() Been to a National Football League game
() Thrown up after riding a roller coaster or other carnival ride
(x) Buried a pet
() been parasailing
() Lived through temperatures that are -30.
( ) Been to Iceland
( ) Climbed a rock wall
(x) Been on TV
( ) Won an Award at the Worlds Fair
( ) given birth
( ) really did something on a loved one's will
( ) joined the Mile high club in a commercial airliner
() realizing it now takes three days to get over a good 'ol drunk.
( )been to France
(X) Fallen in Love
( ) Been to the Dominican Republic
(x) witnessed a miracle
(  ) went snorkeling in the carribean
( ) got married
( ) hiked the Incan trail
( ) Climbed to the top of a pyramid
( ) Raced in Sailing Regattas
() Designed a political website
() Been to Bermuda
() Ran from the police on foot
() watched all 3 Lord of the Rings movies back to back to back
()hula-hooped for an hour straight
() Shopped at Mall of America
( )Been to Grenada

Hrmmm My LoveScope for today:

Chasing after a fantasy may give you cause to complain,
as getting whom you want at the desired where and when
just leads to one complication after another. You may have to
settle for second best or some sort of compromise,
unless you're willing to wait and do without and see if it all comes together later.
*heavy sigh*

Libra General Horoscope:

You have an extra measure of energy and confidence now and will make a strong impression
on those in your environment. This is a very good time to go for a job interview, meet the public,
or simply go out and be seen. You will be noticed more than usual.

Wow! - Dead ON!!

SO much to say ~   Thanks to Lady D for the Tarot reading Interpretation !!!
I tend to work too hard in the wrong directions - Is this my Scorpio Moon???

Mercury Retrograde is coming up on May 7th.
Marcie & David are coming to Orlando on Cinco de Mayo through  Mother's Day.
I am so excited!!!  I am working (slowly - when not distracting myself)
on the pieces for the Lady Cannonball :D) ~

Zero is my Hero...

cp

Over & Out